last day of work!

I can't believe it's finally here.  I officially let my bosses know I was moving back to North Carolina four weeks ago, and at the time, this day still seemed far away.  But time flew, as it always does.

It's definitely time to move on from my current responsibilities, but it's more difficult than I can possibly describe to pick up and move away from all the people I worked with.  With a few exceptions, I genuinely loved each and every one of them.  Never in my life did I think I would become that close to a bunch of coworkers, but as I sat in my exit interview yesterday, I told HR just how blessed I felt to have even gotten to work with some of the people who I'll call close friends for the rest of my life.

More than anything, I learned an enormous amount about myself.  This job had its extreme highs and extreme lows, and maybe one day I'll share them.  But I am so much more aware of myself now than I was nineteen months ago.  I have a firmer grasp on my strengths and weaknesses, but more than that, I know exactly how I operate in an office atmosphere.  In a lot of ways, it's unconventional.  Most people go to work to get things done, achieve goals, and build a professional network along the way.  I find all of that valuable, I really do.  But it will always be unrealistic for me to walk into a workplace and not want to make friends, have drinks after work, and decorate the office on holidays.  For that reason, I'm glad I'm becoming a teacher, because I think the level of social interaction that I need in order to thrive at work is much more necessary in a school environment.

I started cleaning out my cubicle on Wednesday night, and it felt like the last week of a college spring semester always did, when you clean out your dorm room and everything just feels blank for a few days while you wrap up your last exams.  The idea of walking away from that room seemed unbearable, but then you took down everything that was yours and you didn't recognize it anymore.  That's exactly how I feel now.  All of my decorations are down, all of my post-it notes packed up, and the space doesn't seem like it's mine anymore.

I'm sure there will be tears today.  One thing I learned about myself long before I took this job is that I get overly attached to things in a rapid amount of time.  It makes me highly susceptible to hoarding.  I'm attached to the comfort of that office and the routine and, obviously, the strong friendships I have there.  Everything has a memory.  But I always re-attach elsewhere.  I find a new normal and I'm fine again.  But that doesn't make the leaving any easier.

My friends and I have sworn up one side and down the other that we'll stay in touch, and I believe us.  So really, I'm just ripping the band-aid off of what would have been an inevitable departure further down the road, when leaving might have hurt even worse.  I'll be just fine, better even, but I'm going to need those first few moments to wince a little bit.

Yours truly,

Funemployed until the new year.