awkward and awesome thursday

Let's get to it!

Awkward:

Oh my goodness.  I really only have one awkward story this week, but it's big enough to fit five awkwards all up in it.  So, I was headed home from the office around 6:30 on Tuesday night, when this lady in her upper 30s walked past me next to Union Station.  She started to approach me, which was fine, because I get asked for directions ALL the time.  Especially near Union Station.  I just assumed she was lost on her way to refill her eyeliner, because she had to be wearing an entire tube on her face.  She opened with, "Miss, hi, I promise I'm not a bag lady."  (Nice opener.  Inspiring confidence since 1973.)  She explained that she worked in "the building across the street" (I said, "The BLS?" knowing that she probably didn't know what that stood for) and that it was her first day on the job.  She was in jeans.  At the Bureau of Labor Statistics.  Strike two.  She started to get a little weepy and said that something terrible and tragic had just happened to her and that she just didn't know what to do.  (Pausing here.  I promise people were around, Mom.  She couldn't have kidnapped me.)  But she wouldn't tell me what had happened, so all these crazy things like rape and robbery and tote bag snatchery started running through my head, so I asked, "Ok, do you need me to call the police?"  She said, "Oh no, the police already came.  See, I was driving on that street up there (Mass Ave.), and a car hit me and then I ran up on the sidewalk and hit a light pole."  I thought, ok, I used to work with crash reports all day everyday.  I can check this later.  She said a tow truck had fortunately come but couldn't take her home and the police wouldn't cross county lines, and now she had no way to get home and her mom worked on the Hill and wouldn't be able to leave until later and the VRE train had stopped running so she couldn't get home to Fredericks, Virginia, and she had no money.  You can imagine the insane amount of onomatopoeia going on inside my head, a la car horns and screeching brakes and loud buzzers.

A) If a tow truck comes, YOU GET IN THE TRUCK.

B) You want to tell me, a public administration student, that the police won't cross county lines?  That is HILARIOUS.

C) It was 6:30.  Wayyyyy not even close to the end of rush hour.  The VRE would run for another several hours.

D) There is no Fredericks, Virginia, especially not one near Stafford, as she claimed.  That is, in fact, Fredericksburg.  And even giving her the benefit of the doubt makes her wrong, because Frederick County is nowhere near Stafford.

I told her I'd happily take her to the Metro police and have them help her, but she insisted that would not help.  I said, "I promise, I really have no cash (a minor lie only, I had three dollars), just cards and checks."  To which she replied, "Well, there's an ATM inside Union Station!"  I thought, "OH HECK NO!  You think I'm going to let you follow me to the ATM so you can hold a knife to my throat while I have my card out?!  Are you on acid?!"  (Fair question, probably.)  I said, "Well, if there's an ATM, you should be able to use it."

"Oh no, but my card isn't registered yet!  I just got it!"

"Ok, well registration just requires a phone."

"Ok, look, I just need you to help me, and maybe I can help you someday.  My name is Janet."

"My name is Kristen."  (First time I've ever given a fake name, and it was AWESOME.  Must use it at the bar sometime.)  "I'm sorry, but I really don't have cash to give you."

And then, abruptly, she ended the ordeal with, "Oh, for crying out loud!" and she stormed off.

Best stranger danger ever.


Awesome:

1. Tricia made dinner for Megan and me last night, and it was delicious!  Lasagna, bread, salad, and cupcakes.  Yum.com/delish.

2.  These people.  I love them.

3.  It's been a crazy busy, but good week at work!  I needed one of those.

4.  I'm sorry, I really can't top the awkward story.  Here's a Coldplay video that small children would love:

See you tomorrow!