I'm about halfway through it, and already I'm researching ways that I can be on SNL or work at SNL or scrub the toilets at SNL or floss the teeth of Kristen Wiig because if people exist that actually write like she does, then...
Here's a quick excerpt from one of my favorite parts of the book:
Remembrances of Being Very Very Skinny
For a brief time at the turn of the century, I was very skinny. This is what I remember about that period.
- I was cold all the time.
- I had a pair of size-four corduroy short shorts. That I wore. To work. In the middle of Manhattan.
- I loved it when people told me I was getting too thin.
- I once took a bag of sliced red peppers to the beach as a snack.
- I regularly ate health food cookies so disgusting that when I enthusiastically gave one to Rachel Dratch she drew a picture of a rabbit and broke the cookie into a trail of tiny pieces coming out of the rabbit’s butt.
- Men I had met before suddenly paid attention to me…and I hated them for it.
- Sometimes I had to sleep with a pillow between my legs because my bony knees clanking together kept me awake.
- I had a lot of time on my hands because I wasn’t constantly eating.
- I ran three miles a day on a treadmill six days a week.
- I felt wonderfully superior to everyone.
- I didn’t have a kid yet.
We should leave people alone about their weight. Being skinny for a while (provided you actually eat food and don’t take pills or smoke to get there) is a perfectly fine pastime. Everyone should try it once, like a super-short haircut or dating a white guy.
So, all you people headed to the beach with your tubes of Pringles and your inflatable orca pool toys, please take this book with you. Just remember to take the shiny wraparound cover off first. Have some respect.
No comments:
Post a Comment